A few years ago, some girlfriends and I took a pottery class. When we arrived, the instructor guided us through the equipment, got us oriented, and then handed us a massive mound of clay. We would slice off a pound or so and place it on the wheel, wetting our hands before wrapping them around the clay—just like that iconic scene in Ghost. From there, we whittled, molded, shaped, and decorated our creations. Maybe it became a beautiful mug. Maybe a misshapen, lopsided bowl. Whatever. Our job was to transform something raw into something new.

I’m currently taking a course on Attachment and Internal Family Systems (IFS), and it’s fascinating to explore how they intersect. Richard C. Schwartz PhD, the founder of IFS, describes the "Self" as the unchanged, perfect essence we are born with—like that untouched mound of clay sitting on the wheel. But as we grow, the forces around us—culture, environment, social media, friends, parents, coaches—become the potter’s wheel, constantly shaping us, carving away, molding us into something else. Stripping us down. Away. A way. How do we return to ourselves, to our most essential form - to love?

This quote hangs on my wall - “Love is not a learning how to but a remembering that you are”. Love is not about striving to become something new or different; instead, it is a profound journey of recovery. It is the process of peeling away the layers of doubt, fear, and expectation to reconnect with our true selves. Love reminds us of who we have always been at our core—whole, worthy, and deeply connected. Rather than transforming us into someone else, love unveils the essence of our being, allowing us to embrace our authenticity and find peace in simply existing as we are.

We may present as a beautiful mug, yet inside, feel fractured or incomplete. The work of healing is remembering our fullness—our original shape—though the journey back is rarely simple. Sometimes healing happens after we’ve been shattered, as we gather our pieces and reassemble ourselves in a way that feels more true, more aligned. Gentler. Softer. Rounder.