My dad, having experienced profound trauma in his own childhood, unfortunately, directed some of that pain toward us. The apology he shared made me reflect on the concept of relationships as a cycle of reciprocity, rupture, and repair. Even Dr. Becky Kennedy's recent Ted Talk on repairing relationships with children resonated, highlighting that this crucial step applies to all our relationships.

"The holidays, a beautiful time for togetherness, can also present both opportunities and challenges to put our hard healing work to the test."
Recently, my dad sent an email to my siblings and me, offering a sincere apology for the times he took out his anger on us during our childhood. It opened up a flood of memories, reminding me of the challenging times we faced at home.

My dad's journey through trauma has given him invaluable wisdom, emphasizing the significance of repair. His acknowledgment of the past, which we were previously discouraged from discussing, brought a once-hidden aspect into the light. Though I had forgiven my dad long ago, receiving his email was still impactful, underscoring the importance of addressing and healing from past wounds.

In essence, it reminded me of how relationships often skip the essential step of repair. We tend to rush past it, seeking to return to a state of equilibrium. The defense mechanisms kick in, and we overlook the fact that intentions don't outweigh the impact of our actions. It made me ponder on the TikTok song that says, "let's skip to the good part," recognizing that in doing so, we may be missing a crucial aspect of nurturing our most valuable asset—our relationships.

I believe that our relationships thrive when we embrace the hard work of repair. It's easy to underestimate its importance, but every instance we skip this step, we miss out on an opportunity for growth, strengthening, expansion, and healing.

So, where in your life are you unintentionally skipping repair? How has your own wisdom from navigating trauma served you?

I'm thinking of you this holiday season and I'm always here if you'd like to share your thoughts or have a conversation.